Whisper Page 9
Pleasure isn’t a bad thing. It’s a gift from God. When did we start believing that God wants to send us to places we don’t want to go to do things we don’t want to do? Sure, taking up our cross involves sacrifice. But when we delight ourselves in the Lord, God will give us the desire to do whatever He’s called us to do, no matter how difficult it is.
I’ve had many conversations with church planters over the years, and one of the common questions they wrestle with is where to plant a church. Many of them have done demographic studies, and that’s due diligence. But I always ask the desire question: “Where do you most want to live?” That question often results in a quizzical look, so I double down. “Where do you want to raise your family? Do you prefer the city, the suburbs, or the country? Do you want to live by family or get as far away as you can? Are you a mountain person or a lake person? West Coast? East Coast? No coast?” The reason I ask those questions is that I believe church planters will be most successful in places where they really want to live. Seems simple enough, doesn’t it? But what makes it difficult is that we’re more in touch with others’ expectations than our own desires.
Some of us have no idea what we want, because we sacrifice our desires on the altar of other people’s expectations. We settle for “should.” We settle for “have to” instead of “want to.” And then we wonder why we don’t feel the joy of the Lord. It’s because we’re listening to the wrong voices.
Frederick Buechner noted the challenge of choosing the right voice to listen to in his book Wishful Thinking. Buechner cited three default settings: society, the superego, and self-interest. If we don’t turn them down or tune them out, those become the loudest voices in our lives. Society bombards us with its messages all day, every day. Billboards, commercials, click ads, and social media are the tip of the iceberg. Superego has the loudest voice. And self-interest is not easily tuned out. If you give those voices your ear, you’ll conform to the pattern of the world around you.19
Buechner then flipped the script and revealed a litmus test I’ve learned to love. “The voice we should listen to most as we choose a vocation is the voice that we might think we should listen to least, and that is the voice of our own gladness. What can we do that makes us the gladdest?…I believe that if it is a thing that makes us truly glad, then it is a good thing and it is our thing.”20
I might even add, it’s a God thing.
If there is a lesson to be learned from Eric Liddell’s life, it’s probably the same as the principle proposed by Frederick Buechner: listen to the voice of gladness. When we do, the track becomes every bit as much a mission field as China. And you can fill in the blank with whatever you feel called to.
Sweet Spot
Talent or passion? Which is more important when it comes to professional success? You might be tempted to think it’s talent, but an eleven-year study led by Dr. Daniel Heller would argue otherwise. The study surveyed 450 elite musical students and found that, over time, passion trumps talent. It was the students’ passion for music that inspired greater risks and gave them the intrinsic motivation to persist in the face of adversity. At the end of the day, passion wins the day.21
Life is too short not to love what you do, so do what you love. The key is finding the place where gifts and desires overlap. God-given gifts are what we’re best at. God-ordained desires are what we’re most passionate about. And the place where those gifts and desires overlap is the sweet spot.
We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us. If your gift is prophesying, then prophesy in accordance with your faith; if it is serving, then serve; if it is teaching, then teach; if it is to encourage, then give encouragement; if it is giving, then give generously; if it is to lead, do it diligently; if it is to show mercy, do it cheerfully.22
The apostle Paul exhorted us to use our God-given gifts in the pursuit of God-ordained desires. And he identified three traits that should define us as Christ followers: generous, diligent, and cheerful. No matter what you do, these three adjectives ought to apply.
The word generously comes from the Greek word haplotes.23 It’s going above and beyond the call of duty. It’s the extra mile. The word cheerfully comes from hilarotes,24 which means whistling while we work. It’s an A-game attitude. And the word diligently comes from the Greek word spoude.25 It’s having an eye for excellence, attention to detail. It’s showing care and conscientiousness in everything we do. It hints at continual improvement. But there is a nuance that is easily overlooked. Diligence means delighting in what we do. And when we do that, everything we do is transformed into an act of worship.
Martin Luther once observed, “The Christian shoemaker does his duty not by putting little crosses on the shoes, but by making good shoes, because God is interested in good craftsmanship.”26 Amen to that. And speaking of good craftsmanship, essayist Dorothy Sayers once said, “No crooked table legs or ill-fitting drawers ever, I dare swear, came out of the carpenter’s shop at Nazareth.”27
Diligence is doing what you do with an extra measure of excellence.
Diligence is doing what you do with an extra measure of love.
Many years ago I was part of a mission team that helped build a Teen Challenge center in Ocho Rios, Jamaica. I know that doesn’t sound like much of a sacrifice, but Jamaica’s not all blue oceans and beautiful beaches. Our team worked from sunup to sundown building a ministry center where drug and alcohol addicts could find freedom in Christ. One task was sanding concrete walls to prepare them for painting, but we didn’t have a sander. We had to use concrete blocks to scrape the concrete walls, and that sound might be worse than fingernails on a chalkboard. A few hours into it, my shoulders were aching and my nerves were frayed. That’s when I heard God’s whisper above the sound of the concrete on concrete: Mark, this is music to My ears!
At the end of the day, I was absolutely exhausted. But there was a sense of satisfaction unrivaled by any worship service I’d ever experienced. I felt as though I had loved God with all my strength. And when we do that, our energies turn into melodies in God’s ears.
412 Emotions
Among the most amazing parts of the human brain are the amygdalae, the almond-shaped clusters of nuclei located within the temporal lobe. Despite amazing advances in neuroscience and neuroimaging, the amygdalae remain quite mysterious. What we do know is that they are the seat of emotion and are intimately involved in decision making and memory making. As a general rule of thumb, stronger emotions result in tougher decisions and longer memories.
Emotions are the subject of much controversy, but they fall into two basic categories: negative and positive. One is vital to surviving, and the other is vital to thriving. Negative emotions, such as fear, keep us out of trouble. Positive emotions, such as hope, get us out of trouble. And it’s more than an attitude issue; it’s a spiritual issue. Negativity can keep us out of the Promised Land and cost us forty years.28
Robert Plutchik, professor emeritus at the Albert Einstein College of Medicine, has identified eight basic emotions: joy, trust, fear, surprise, sadness, disgust, anger, and anticipation.29 The emotion annotation and representation language (EARL) suggests forty-eight basic emotions.30 And Professor Simon Baron-Cohen of the Autism Research Centre at the University of Cambridge has identified 412 emotions with corresponding facial expressions.31
No matter how many emotions we have, each one is a function of the amygdalae and a facet of God’s image and, I would argue, a gift from God. Obviously, that gift must be sanctified and stewarded, as anything else does.
When I was in grad school, one of my professors posed a thought-provoking question: “What makes you cry or pound your fist on the table?” In other words, what makes you sad or mad? Those emotions serve as both cues and clues. I would add glad to mad and sad. Those three emotions help us discern the voice of God. I know that emotion gets a bad rap when it comes to decision making, and I’m not sugge
sting we let unbridled emotion take the wheel. But emotion is a great backseat driver if we’re delighting ourselves in the Lord.
To ignore those emotions is to ignore God’s voice. God speaks through our tears—tears of sadness and tears of joy. Isn’t that how Nehemiah identified his sweet spot? When he heard that the wall of Jerusalem was in disrepair, he cried. Tears are clues that help us identify God-ordained desires. So does righteous indignation. If we don’t get mad at injustice, then our emotions aren’t fine-tuned to the heavenly Father. Those emotions must be channeled in the right way, but without them, evil goes unchecked. Our hearts should break for the things that break the heart of God, but they should also skip a beat. Whether it’s the voice of sadness, anger, or gladness, don’t ignore those emotions. God is speaking to you through them.
Competitive Streak
When I started pastoring, I struggled with an inferiority complex. It reared its ugly head whenever I got around other pastors because I felt so insignificant by comparison, and the key word there is comparison. No one wins the comparison game. It only leads to one of two things: pride or jealousy. And both of those things will eat us up from the inside out. I cringed whenever I was asked how large our church was. I felt a little like Saul when he heard the people singing, “Saul has slain his thousands, and David his tens of thousands.”32 In my case we had only dozens in our church!
That inferiority complex was compounded by my being as competitive as they come. I hated losing Candy Land to my kids! It was that competitive streak that helped me overachieve as an athlete, landing first-team All-American honors my senior year of college. I better mention that it was the NCCAA, not the NCAA. The extra C stands for Christian, so don’t be too impressed. But when my basketball career ended, I didn’t have an outlet for those competitive juices. I started out in ministry shortly thereafter, and my competitive streak got the best of me by bringing out the worst in me. It got so bad that I asked God to kill it, but He rebuked my request. It wasn’t an audible voice, but God said in no uncertain terms, I don’t want to kill it; I want to sanctify it for My purposes.
Remember what the apostle Paul did when he was deeply distressed by the idolatry he saw in Athens? He didn’t boycott the Areopagus, did he? He walked in, went toe to toe with some of the greatest philosophical minds in the ancient world, and competed for the truth. Paul wasn’t one to back down from anyone or anything. He had a sanctified competitive streak, and it was coupled with a sanctified stubborn streak.
It was Paul who said, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition.”33 That’s where most of us stop, but that’s half the battle. God doesn’t just want to kill selfish ambition; He wants to amplify godly ambition. The difference is simply this: Whom are you doing it for?
There is a fine line between “Thy kingdom come” and “my kingdom come.” If we cross that line, God will withdraw His favor faster than we can say sin. In God’s kingdom if we do the right things for the wrong reasons, we don’t even get credit. It’s all about motives, and the only right reason is God’s glory. We’re all driven by too much selfish ambition, but none of us has nearly enough godly ambition. You can’t have too much ambition when it comes to the things of God.
I try to live by Michelangelo’s maxim “Criticize by creating.”34 Instead of complaining about what’s wrong, we’re called to compete for what’s right. How? By writing better music, producing better films, starting better businesses, drafting better legislation, and doing better research. And doing it for God’s glory!
Caution Signs
The language of desire is difficult to discern because we have mixed motives, and our ability to deceive ourselves is infinite. Although I believe that God uses emotion to guide us, it’s easy to get derailed by emotion. Here are a few hard-earned lessons I’ve learned along the way. Think of them as caution signs.
First, check your ego at the door.
You have to put your ego on the altar every single day. If you don’t, you’ll fall into the comparison trap. And you won’t accomplish much for the kingdom because it’ll be about you. Did you know that you can be doing the will of God and God can oppose it? I know that sounds wrong logically and theologically, but it’s true. “God opposes the proud.”35 Having pride is letting ego have the loudest voice. And attempting to do God’s will in a spirit of pride is two steps forward, three steps back.
Second, if you want it too much, you might want it for the wrong reasons.
I know that sounds contradictory, so let me explain. If you want something too much, it’s often an indicator that you’re not ready for it. Why? Because it’s become an idol in your life. An idol is anything you desire more than God, and that includes God-given dreams and God-ordained callings. I’ve had to die to a few of those desires. And when I put them on the altar, I’ve found that He sometimes gives them back.
Third, emotion is a great servant but a terrible master.
Generally speaking, don’t make decisions when you’re in an emotional frenzy or funk. That’s how you get tattoos in the wrong places. That’s when you say things and do things you’ll regret. And that’s where the ninth fruit of the Spirit is so critical.36 Actually, I think self-control is listed last because it takes the longest to cultivate. As the emotional gatekeeper, it keeps the other emotions in check.
When Abraham Lincoln was upset with someone, he had a habit of composing what he called a “hot letter.” It was a cathartic exercise, putting all his anger and frustration on paper. Then after his emotions had cooled down, he would write “Never sent. Never signed.”37 In psychology that’s called a pattern interrupt. It’s the difference between reacting and responding. And it’s not a bad way of putting James 1:19 into practice: “Be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.”
Fourth, one key to discerning whether a desire is God ordained is deciphering whether it waxes or wanes over time.
Sometimes you have to sleep on it or, better yet, fast on it. Give it some time and see if the desire gets stronger or weaker. If you’re delighting yourself in the Lord and that desire passes the test of time by waxing stronger, there is a greater likelihood it’s a good thing and a God thing.
And fifth, a little emotional intelligence goes a long way.
According to science journalist Daniel Goleman, only 20 percent of the factors that lead to vocational success is related to intelligence quotient.38 The other 80 percent is related to emotional intelligence, which Goleman defines as “the ability to identify, assess, and control one’s own emotions, the emotions of others, and that of groups.”39
Emotional intelligence is like a sixth sense. And although it’s difficult to define, Jesus set the bar. No one could read a room like Jesus. No one was more in tune, more in touch with others. He anticipated the objections of the Pharisees and cut them off at the pass with some brilliant questions. He also discerned the desires of those who were hurting, and He offered healing.
Remember that conference I spoke at in England, the one where they prayed, Come, Holy Spirit? What I didn’t mention was that I spoke right after the archbishop of Canterbury, Justin Welby. I felt like getting up and saying, “What he said!” and then sitting down. One statement he made has had a profound impact on me, and I’ve found myself quoting it often ever since. The archbishop said, “Emotional intelligence is a wonderful adjunct faculty to the gifts of the Spirit.” It’s not enough to exercise spiritual gifts; one must exercise them with a measure of emotional intelligence, or they can actually do more emotional harm than good.
Again, emotion is a gift from God. And as we grow in a relationship with Him, so does our emotional awareness and emotional intelligence. They express themselves as empathy for others, and that often results in supernatural synchronicities.
Nonconformity
When I was in the sixth grade, I wore a neon-pink Ocean Pacific shirt to school one day. Big mistake! I was pretty popular in junior high, and I was o
ne of the biggest kids in my class. It didn’t matter. I was teased mercilessly. Even my best friends betrayed me that day.
Can you guess how many times I wore that shirt? Exactly once. Why? Because I didn’t want to subject myself to that kind of ridicule ever again. The modus operandi in junior high is fitting in, and most of us give in to it for the rest of our lives. We become conformists at all costs. And the cost is a person’s unique personality, individuality, and identity. You can call it peer pressure or groupthink, but the Bible calls it conformity.
Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.40
That’s one of the hardest commands in Scripture because our culture is so good at conditioning us according to its values. Did you know that you’re exposed to approximately five thousand advertising messages every day?41 It doesn’t seem like it, does it? That’s evidence of how good our culture is at it. And we have to fight it.
Not many people sell their souls to the devil, but many of us sell our souls to the culture. Instead of defining success for ourselves, we let the culture define it for us. Instead of daring to be different, we conform to the pattern of this world. Why? We let our culture have the loudest voice.
Nonconformity feels like driving the wrong way on a one-way street in rush-hour traffic. But that’s the only way to become who God wants us to be. And desire is key.
The word conformity is from the Greek word syschematizo.42 It means “to be patterned after or molded by,” and it reminds me of the Mold-A-Rama machine at the Brookfield Zoo in Illinois that has been producing wax figures for more than fifty years now. If I remember right, the options included a pink seal, a green alligator, a brown bear, and a black gorilla. Not unlike those wax figures, most of us get pressed into a cultural mold. The only way to break the mold is to put ourselves on the potter’s wheel. Plus, we have to dare to be different.